SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY from MEMPHIS DOWNTOWNER, November, 2007

“The family down the street has two girls. The older looks like Tyra Banks, but the younger one, bless her heart, could stand to lose thirty pounds, get acne medicine and a makeover!”

“That guy is nice enough but, bless his heart, he will be lucky if he can get promoted to the McDonald’s drive-thru window!”

OK. I just called her unattractive and him incompetent, but throw in that Southern genteel phrase”bless his/her heart” and it takes a lot of sting out of the painful truth. The phrase acknowledges we are all here in this world, loved equally by our Creator, but some very good, honest and decent people through no fault of their own just don’t have the talents, IQ, looks or charm of others and it is our responsibility as fellow travelers on this big blue ball flying around the sun to never forget that and be a friend or family member to all.

Or maybe it’s just a creative way to insult someone.

Southern hospitality maybe an overused phrase that died off the day the “Andy Griffith Show” was canceled but here in Memphis we try to keep it alive. We are not immune to the big city self-absorption that comes with so many stimuli to the senses, but isn’t something different here?  

Remember the “Seinfeld” episode where the woman was ready to leave her husband for George just because he said “bless you” when she sneezed? Doesn’t EVERYONE say “bless you?” Listen to talk shows on the radio and somehow it does not seem right when the host interrupts the caller mid sentence with “What is your question?” Or when the TV show “Penn and Teller’s B. S.” did an episode critical of manners, calling them - you guessed it-  B.S. It’s hard to picture such rhetoric coming from Memphians.

In fairness, “Seinfeld” was fiction.The talk show host has to keep the conversation flowing and the “B.S.” show dealt more with busybodies obsessed with looking for flaws in others than true politeness. But is there something Memphians have that New York sitcom characters, West Coast radio hosts and Northeastern magicians don’t (Bless their hearts)?

Thomas Briggs of Memphis used a bit of Memphis friendly and creative marketing to launch Welcome Wagon in 1928. The idea was to introduce new home buyers to the neighborhood with information on businesses and organizations delivered by a hostess to the new residents. Today they still send out gift books to newcomers. No longer a Memphis-based company, they have changed over the years. Due to changes in how people live and work, they do not have personal home deliveries which mean the “hostesses” are replaced “account executives.”  But they still provide a welcome to newcomers.   

“Arrive early. Don't overeat or drink during networking functions. Never email angry.” These are some of the tips Alissa Fowler, recruiting manager for Enterprise, gave in a recent talk on business etiquette to about 25 students through the University of Memphis Office of Career and Employment Services. 

 

"Business etiquette has become more important to people everywhere," she says, "but it has always been important in the South." As for regional differences, "You have to open a bit of friendship and relationship in the South in business," she says, "but it seems to becoming a rule throughout the country now." Bless their hearts, the rest of the business world may just be catching up to us!  

How helpful are Memphians to newcomers and visitors? To find out I went undercover wearing hiking boots, a backpack, a Washington State University T shirt, A GPS device and a camera. I took a stroll downtown looking very touristy. To look like a true North westerner, I made a mental note to suppress my use of “ya’ll.”

When I asked I always got directions. A waitress at the Arcade gave me more than enough information on the night’s trolley tour. This “visitor” got a big kick out of buying a Coke at Schwab’s for $.55. They did not get the message they are a tourist spot and can overcharge!  A brigadier from the Blue Suede Brigade noticed I looked lost and gave me directions to the Peabody, plus a map of downtown.

October 23 was the tenth anniversary of the Blue Suede Brigade, the Center City Commission’s army of goodwill ambassadors to downtown visitors – and even locals. Brigade manager Gaston Davis says they give tours, directions look out for trouble and according to Davis “we give an experience they remember.”  “ We receive pictures and post cards from all over the world. They offer us tips, but we tell them we don’t take tips we take post cards. Sothern hospitality is being assertively friendly. We open up our city and our hearts,” he says. “Some people ask us a question just to hear us talk. They like to hear our Southern accents!” he adds.

Another stop was the gift shop at the Fire Museum. I explain who I am to gift shop employee Patricia Young and she shares her thoughts. She sees many people from out of town who are impressed by our friendliness.  “They say we are real nice and friendly. Memphians are surprised others think we are so friendly!” She says. 

Arguably, I am mentioning people whose jobs are to be nice. Anyone dealing in sales or customer service anywhere in the world is taught these skills. But what about those not on the job? Can we find just plain homespun hospitality in downtown Memphis?

St. Patrick's Southern hospitality on display

 

At a Sunday morning service at St Patrick’s Catholic Church, is one of the best spots to see it on display. After the sermon, which coincidently was about hospitality, Father Tim Sullivan asks the congregation to “offer one another the sign of peace.” Here the old custom of sign of peace shows a bit of Memphis friendly. The congregation mills about the church says hello, shakes hands, hugs and greets  friends, family and visitors alike. For about five minutes, it seems everyone greets everyone. When all is done Father Sullivan ends it by blessing everyone’s heart.